Joe's Corner

Remember the Old 8 Track?

Dear Friends,

Much has been written about raising children with a lot of guidance and a "firm rein," and I tend to agree with this philosophy. However, I recently learned that loosening the reins can lead children to ultimately make the "right" decision (that is, the one that parents want them to make). More importantly, your relationship with your child does not become ravaged by arguments and harsh words. Here's how this parental revelation unfolded with my teenage son.

My younger son Raymond had been playing bass guitar in a band during high school. Though their loud, frenetic music made my blood pressure rise, I enjoyed watching him play. I tried not to replay the old (remember the 8 track?) "tape" about the "decline of music" that I had heard from my parents (but I have to confess to using ear plugs). Shortly before graduation, Raymond announced that he would rather continue playing in the band than go to college. In his eyes were visions of hit records and screaming fans.

Part of me wanted to put my fatherly foot down and tell him that his dream of stardom was less likely to happen than his winning the lottery and, therefore, he should go to college. But complicating matters was the fact that when I was his age, I had also played in a band. That was during the Vietnam era and after two years of trying to juggle being a full-time student in order to keep my draft deferment, I had to give up the band. Ironically, our drummer and lead vocalist went on to become a member of one of the most popular bands of all time, The Eagles.

This definitely weakened my stance. I was caught between a rock (and roll) and a hard place! And I didn't want my son to look back and wonder "what if." So Raymond and I made a deal. He would devote his time to music for two years. Then if he didn't have a recording contract, he would go to college.

Well, a little more than a year has passed since Raymond's announcement. I have paid for two recording sessions at Willie Nelson's studio and a photo shoot for the cover of a CD that never happened, but the money was far from wasted. I have watched my shy, soft-spoken son become a more confident and assertive young man. Playing in a band has taught him teamwork and compromise-lessons more valuable than any academic course of study. But the biggest surprise was Raymond decided not to postpone college altogether. Last year, he took classes part time and even made the Dean's list.

This fall Raymond will be a full-time student and plans to pursue a degree in psychology. He still plays in a band, but music is now a secondary goal. I couldn't be more proud of him if his CD had gone platinum!

I hope you and your family have had a wonderful summer together.

All the best,

Joe Brown